Author Archives: Heather Nichols

About Heather Nichols

Heather is an all-around entertainment buff (with the exception of male-dominated Westerns), though she has a special affinity and encyclopedic knowledge of all things Japanese: J-Horror, Anime, Manga, and above all Miyazaki films.

Review: Oscar Short Films 2015

Let’s give it up for the little guys!

By Heather Nichols, Tawfik Zone Contributor

Courtesy of www.uica.org

Courtesy of www.uica.org

So the Oscars have come and gone. For all the controversy there was a still a silver lining to it all. Mad Max: Fury Road taking away multiple honors shows that a film can be acclaimed both critically and commercially. Leo finally got his Oscar so the internet can be at peace as far as that goes though I’m sure that they’ll still rampage about Stallone and Gaga being robbed- at least that’s what half the headlines on Buzzfeed read. Personally I’m just ready to completely tear down the Oscars and create something new in its place. The spirit of the Oscars should be about celebrating all things film.

Okay, I admit I caught one small segment while I was brewing my tea last night; Jason Segel showed some footage from an award ceremony dedicated to just the technical side of film and something like that is really refreshing to me. It was also brought to my attention online that voice actors do have their own award show, but it’s not widely known or even broadcast, but still we’re getting there.

So my local theater did a neat thing. The Oscar nominated short films (live action and animated, documentary was omitted) were screened the Friday before Oscar Sunday. This was a 4 hour session with a brief intermission between live action and animated, but still totally worth it to see some overwhelmingly under noticed master works of film. From my understanding some of these are available on Netflix so I hope you get the chance to enjoy them for yourselves. There might be some spoilers due to the nature of short film so just a heads up before you read on.

Courtesy of Youtube.com

Courtesy of Youtube.com

We started off with Ave Maria, probably the lightest offering in the live action shorts. The premise is that a Jewish family’s car crashes into the statue of the Virgin Mary outside of a convent of nuns on Sabbath. There’s mild conflict due to the different religious practices but ultimately the nuns help the family get on their way. And conveniently one of the sisters is a mechanic. Honestly this one just didn’t do much for me so I don’t have much to say. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be comedic but I had trouble with the whole sister being able to fix up the car with a pair of pantyhose, it was just bizarre. If they were going to go that far they should have pushed it further and revealed the nun to be a religious messiah or an android masquerading as a nun, just something more interesting so it didn’t feel so flat.

Things got dark quickly with the next offering, Shoke. Imagine the film Stand by Me but with one of the boys getting involved with a terrorist group and ending with some of the kids getting shot. That is pretty much it in a nutshell. I felt more engaged during this film, the editing was tight and the overall look of the film was just better. Props to the cinematography department, I really enjoyed the look of this film.

Everything Will Be Alright should be viewed as an excellent example of tight editing and storytelling. The pacing was great, making it my second favorite of the live action selections.  Also a really good example of “show, don’t tell.” We open with a man picking up his daughter from his ex-wife’s house. In the car they have a conversation about how she’s playing the role of the queen in the school play and all seems normal. Then they get to the toy store, he lets her pick out two really expensive building kits which to me just gave away where this was going. Even so I sat at the edge of my seat until the conclusion. Now is the story a bit cliché perhaps, but as I said in terms of a finished product this one was quite excellent. Also would like to point out that Simon Schwarz who plays the father looks like an Austrian Simon Pegg.

Courtesy of atodmagazine.com

Courtesy of atodmagazine.com

Now after a couple of pretty heavy films the eventual winner came on, Stutterer. This one was quite enjoyable and my favorite of the night. A simple premise: a couple of linguaphiles are engaged in an online relationship, the film is presented through the eyes of the male in the relationship and it is revealed that he has a stammer. The girl ends up in his town and wants to meet him for the first time. Self-conscious of his stammer, he contemplates whether or not he will meet her. I don’t want to give away the conclusion but I found this film to be really sweet and endearing. Overall I felt the message was to not let our disabilities no matter how great or small get in the way of opportunity.

I must confess I missed half of Day One. You see normally I’m in bed by 9 and at this point I was starting to nod off so I needed a coffee break. I came back in at the climax of the film. From my understanding this was based off of a true story. The subject matter was handled well and I couldn’t see them making an entire feature length film out of the story. Really I can’t say much about it, like I said I missed half but the ending was very sad so it felt like that might be the only reason it was even nominated given the fact the Academy seems to love misery.

I will start off by saying I’m glad the Pixar film, Sanjay’s Super Team, did not walk away with the win. More often than not I feel Disney and Pixar take away a win by default because the other animations aren’t as widespread which is really a pity. Of the animations this was probably the weakest and I don’t mean it was a bad film, it just was very surface level in terms of meaning and presentation.

Courtesy of www.awn.com

Courtesy of www.awn.com

The next film we viewed was World of Tomorrow. If you want to feel the mental strain of running a full marathon, this 17 minute film is perfect for you. In fact it’s been so long since I’ve seen an animated film with this much depth to it tackling deep philosophical thoughts and questioning humanity’s morals. Interesting note, this was the only film with spoken dialogue. The visuals were simplistic in nature, but I feel that really allowed you to focus on the story and the messages therein.

After that emotional drain I was delighted by the opening visuals of Bear Story, a unique 3D animation that blended techniques to make some sequences reminiscent of stop frame animation. The story does quickly turn sad in that it holds a similar theme to Blackfish, where animals being separated from their natural habitat in order to provide entertainment for people. The bear is personified and shown to have a wife and child so I think that drives it home even further. This was a good one and I’m glad it received the victory.

Courtesy of festival.dcshorts.com

Courtesy of festival.dcshorts.com

If you like the Dilbert comic strips, We Can’t Live without Cosmos, a Russian import, is a very similar visually. No spoken dialogue, it’s all action driven. I really enjoyed the score on this one too, they kept it engaging by adding sound effects as well. This one even had a bit of humor to it throughout which was refreshing considering the heavy load that the other nominees provided.

Before we began Prologue we were treated to three other shorts that didn’t quite make the cut. One is the story of a traffic light that is narrated by Patton Oswalt, who you may remember as the voice of Remy from Ratatouille. It was enjoyable but I can see why it just missed the mark, the visuals were a little underwhelming and the story itself too simplistic. Another short was the story of a family of Meerkats fighting a bird of prey over a piece of fruit. It was cute, reminiscent of a silly symphonies cartoon. The Story of a Fox and Mouse was visually gorgeous and had a beautiful score to accompany the piece. But again I think this one fell short because it didn’t have much going on beyond the surface level.

Courtesy of www.bristol247.com

Courtesy of www.bristol247.com

So Prologue, I didn’t like this one. Visually, absolutely stunning. Created by one of the brilliant minds behind Who Framed Roger Rabbit, it literally brings a drawing to life. Now I didn’t like this on two fronts. As the name implies this is the Prologue, it feels like a very small piece of a much larger picture. And I mean not even a slice of the cake, more like the frosting or decoration on top small. The other reason comes down to personal preference, I just didn’t like the violence, fighting with spears is rather nasty business. Though again that’s just a personal preference.

Before I conclude I should take a moment to talk about best animated feature length. Now for me last night it came down to Inside Out and When Marnie was There– I know Pixar versus Ghibli. Both are stunning films, both moved me to tears and either deserving. I would have loved to see Ghibli’s final studio film clench the victory. I missed Inside Out during its original theatrical run, when I did get around to renting it I have to say it caught me off guard.

In regards to what I said before I have no problems with Pixar, it just seems like no matter what they always win and lately their films have been alright, nothing spectacular. Inside Out blew it out of the park. We also have to take into account the larger social impact this film has had, making it more comfortable for children and parents to discuss their feelings which is so important in this technological age. Really it’s a great film and it makes me look forward to 2016’s offerings in animation.

Review: Deadpool (2016)

Courtesy of www.comingsoon.net

Courtesy of www.comingsoon.net

Hello everyone and welcome to the first 2016 review from yours truly. I’ve been on a bit of a break to work on a research project that I was hoping I’d be sharing with you, but it turns out what interested me was the tip of a much larger iceberg. So stay tuned. Here’s a hint, it has to do with my love of animation.

I never thought I’d be saying this but Deadpool is a 10 out of 10. I honestly thought that Captain America: Winter Solider was the best Marvel movie ever and never thought they could ever top it. Well this movie delivered. But I should preface this by saying Deadpool might not be for everyone, if crude jokes are not your thing or you really just can’t dive into this superhero craze. I say might because Deadpool isn’t exactly a hero, but to explain why might raise the spoiler flag so I will wait to get into that.

Courtesy of www.foxmovies.com

Courtesy of www.foxmovies.com

You also don’t have to understand Deadpool before walking into this one. In fact if you don’t understand the tone from the 3 minute introduction where director Tim Miller has replaced the starring cast’s names with “God’s perfect creation,” “A moody teenager,” “A CGI character,” and “A gracious celebrity cameo-” then I really don’t think you’ll be able to get into this one and you should probably leave. Again this movie is not for the easily offended, but I had a ton of fun.

You might only know of Deadpool because it’s starring Ryan Renolds and you might have seen this image around the internet…

Deadpool Infographic

This is where we’re going to have to put up the mild spoiler warning. If you’re going to go see it do so now, just leave the kiddies at home. I feel sorry for the four elementary aged kids I saw walk into my screening and I’m not trying to be sexist here but all of them were with their fathers who probably thought, “Oh it’s a superhero movie, that means it must be child friendly.” I have a feeling mommy is going to be seriously pissed off this Valentine’s Day. Even if you haven’t read anything about Deadpool you can see this is an R-rated movie on the poster. “Well if they really didn’t want children to see it then make it NC-17” you argue. But you may not realize most major movie chains will not even show a film if it earns that infamous rating so they really don’t want to do that.

Ok so it’s an R-rated movie it’s got some violence and strong language. You right, but like my passion project you’re only touching the tip of the iceberg. As I said before Deadpool isn’t exactly a hero, he is whatever he feels like being in that moment. If you want his full life before becoming Deadpool you may want to consult the Marvel wiki online but if you just want the short end, he’s a sarcastic asshole who gets cancer and thinking that he has no other option goes to a sketchy medical facility that claims they can cure him. He finds out they’re using people who are at the end of their rope as guinea pigs to try and bring out mutant powers through acts of torture. This is shown in the film and honestly the torture scenes were hard to watch for me as an adult, so heads up.

Courtesy of moviepilot.com

Courtesy of moviepilot.com

So this mutation does stop the effects of cancer but leaves Wade horribly disfigured hence the costume and assuming the identity of Deadpool. He wears the color red so you can’t see him bleed because he’s also somewhat immortal now because of how quickly he can heal as a result of the mutation. In fact he can even regrow limbs.

Okay so there are some scary images. What else isn’t child friendly? If your children are highly influential you might not like the language in the film. An example would be when Wade is hitting on a lady by basically trying to outdo her with upsetting childhood stories. He claims he was molested by an uncle, the woman replies with my uncles took turns which will then lead you into one of the funniest sex montages I’ve ever seen, sorry Team America: World Police. Oh and while we’re on the subject part of that sex montage involves the woman wearing a strap on so I mean you might be a progressive parent but even so, I don’t think even you will want to answer an elementary school aged child’s questions about masturbation and pleasuring the prostate gland. And yes, Deadpool masturbates with a stuffed unicorn so I mean really know what you’ve getting into before you expose your children.

Courtesy of www.slashfilm.com

Courtesy of www.slashfilm.com

When I say children I’m thinking pre-teen and younger. I think a high school age kid can go with their parents because let’s face it, we don’t like this statistic but kids are becoming sexually active between the averages of 15-17 so as a parent you should be answering those kind of questions because I mean you really don’t want the internet to be their teacher. So I would give a yellow light for teens seeing the movie, but if you’re a very conservative family I just would say all of you would be much happier at Kung Fu Panda 3.

Holiday Shopping: A Few of My Favorite Things Pt. 2

Courtesy of www.estatevacationrentals.com

Courtesy of www.estatevacationrentals.com

By Heather Nichols, Tawfik Zone Contributor

[Editors Note: This is the second part of a 2-part article. You can find Part 1 here]

So let’s talk apparel. If you’re shopping for someone that you know well enough and feel comfortable purchasing some clothing for them here are some of my favorite sites to choose from. Just one thing to note here many of these sites use junior sizing for their women’s clothing, which means the shirts are fitted and tend to run small. It might be best to order men’s/unisex if your lady friend has a heavier build. When in doubt, each site will have a size chart to serve as your guide.

Popuptee (http://popuptee.com/) –First up on our list is a tee shirt rotation site. How this works is you’ll notice a timer at the top of the site, when this timer runs out a new list of shirts will be featured. The average is about 4 days per group of shirts. They have more shirts available in the vault section of their site; these are ones that sold very well and are offered again at a higher price ($19.99 versus $12.99). Often times there will be a theme or two featured so if you don’t find what you’re looking for try again later. One thing to note, this one can take a while to ship since they don’t print the shirts until after the sale is over.

RiptApparel- (https://www.riptapparel.com/) –This site started as a 24-hour tee shirt rotation site, but has evolved into so much more. On the home page you will see a few shirts featured. These change every single day so if you see something, grab it because it could be gone tomorrow. Similar to the previous site, this one offers some of its best sellers in the store section but in addition to shirts you can also get hoodies, onesies, coasters, sketch books, prints and toys. Also this site features both toddler and youth sizes which is good if you’re looking for the little ones.

TeeFury- (https://www.teefury.com/) –The one that started it all for me, this store also started as a 24 hour shirt site but has also expanded its catalogue within the past year. You can order hoodies, ugly sweaters, leggings, shoes, and prints.

TeePublic- (https://www.teepublic.com/) –This site is awesome. All the designs are made for fans by fans. It also pays the artists one of the highest percentages of all these sites which is why I support them. Now all the designs are available as shirts but selected designs can also be printed to tank tops, long sleeve tees, baseball tees, kid sizes, crewnecks, hoodies, wall art, and phone cases. Unfortunately the  site has one glitch I found recently. The only way to find out if the design you like is available is to click on the shop, filter by what item you want and see if it lists your design. Basically the drop down menu has a bug which I’m hoping they can fix soon. Otherwise I’ve got to say I’ve order over $200 worth of gifts from them in the past and their customer service is excellent, I think my order arrived within a week as well so that’s always a good thing.

TeeTurtle- (http://www.teeturtle.com/) – I might be biased in saying this is my favorite of all the tee shirt shops because they are just so cute. This site uses a particular style and features chibi-fied versions of your favorite characters and anthropomorphized animals. They also have a sister site, http://lookcuter.com/ which features all original designs.

 

A couple things to keep in mind, since you are online shopping just pay attention to your shipping dates. Remember if you’re not seeing the person until after the holidays you don’t have to expedite and pay an additional charge to rush it in. Above all remember it’s the thought that counts. Here’s to you and your loved ones, we’ll see you all in 2016.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holiday Shopping: A Few of My Favorite Things Pt. 1

By Heather Nichols, Tawfik Zone contributor

Courtesy of www.estatevacationrentals.com

Courtesy of www.estatevacationrentals.com

Season’s greetings everyone! No matter what holiday you are celebrating this year we all know shopping can be really stressful, especially when you don’t know what to get someone. Personally, I am not a fan of going the gift card route. I want to give something that has a bit more meaning behind it.

Every year Oprah Winfrey releases a list of her favorite things, but let’s face it you have to have an Oprah sized salary to afford about 90% of that list. This is why I’m making one of my own, most of which will be under $20. So without further ado, here are some of my favorite gift ideas I found while browsing the net. Oh yeah, all of them are geek/nerd/pop culture friendly, whether their love is for film, books, or music there’s something out there for everyone. So here we go!

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When it comes to online shopping, most people’s first thought is Amazon. There’s no need to worry if you missed out on Black Friday or cyber Monday, Amazon will continue to add new deals throughout the season. I’m not going to go into much detail here since Amazon is so well advertised and most people know how to get what they’re looking for.

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One of my favorite online places to shop is Etsy. This is for two reasons; one, you’re supporting artists running their own independent businesses, and the other is you can find pretty much anything you want. Here’s just a small sampling of stores I decided to check out for this holiday shopping season.

Home decor– If you’re shopping for someone who may have just moved out or is a collector of a particular fandom getting them a nice ornament might be a good route to go. The Perfect Cup has a wide assortment of ornaments including super heroes and video game designs. Additionally you can personalize your gift and the site offers a small selection of other items such as keychains and blankets.

Comic Decor could be a good place to look for the comic book lover in your life. They have frames, boxes and other decorative items for your home.

Another shop I liked for decorations was Burrito Princess. The highlights are the 8-bit inspired frames and magnets. The Adventure Time set is absolutely adorable. And even though we mainly rely on our smart phones to tell the time, a handsome clock could still bring the room together, especially if it features the fab four on its face.

American Dreamy also features other various wall hangings that lovers of anything pop culture will enjoy.

Candles– Candles are usually a good holiday gift. They smell nice and can literally brighten up the room. Tracks On Wax and Old Glow Candles step your candle game up to the next level. Tracks on Wax is pretty self-explanatory, candles created using music as their inspiration. Included in the selection are Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time,” and Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song.” For those of you who know me well, you’ll immediately know why the second shop caught my attention. In addition to the Miyazaki inspired candles, this shop has various scents inspired from film and literature. The description for “The Shire,” inspired by The Lord of the Rings series, reads –“fresh hobbiton grass, English garden flowers and a hint of a cozy log fire.” If that doesn’t sound pleasant and inviting, I don’t know what is.

Mugs- Another classic gift idea but never a bad one. I enjoyed browsing the mugs from these Tula Tinkers  and Coral Bel  both of which feature some cute sayings and quotes.

And of course we can’t forget what goes inside. I found this delicious looking coffee merchant, Free the Green Bean who even has some festive blends available. And if coffee isn’t exactly your cup of tea, might I suggest Duval Tea?

And how about a nice treat to go with your hot beverage? Sweet Belle Cakes has several to choose from, including truffles that are Han Solo frozen in carbonite from that iconic Star Wars scene.

Kitchen Equipment- Whether it’s a present for your friend who loves being in the kitchen or for you to make them a more personalized basket of treats, there are so many shops that feature everything from personalized cooking boards to Super Mario cookie cutters. These are a few shops I liked; Star Cookies, La Boite a Cookies,  and Rainbow Rolling Pins. They mainly cater to video game fans but there are a few other fandoms included.

Jewelry- Full disclosure here I’m not into super expensive jewelry. Most of my necklaces are butterflies and dragonflies, nothing super fancy. That being said I really enjoyed what these shops had to offer. First up, Sun and Stars Jewelry  covers the whole spectrum of fandoms. I also like their science inspired jewelry, particularly the solar system bracelet. If you have a Disney or young adult literature lover Amanda Jane might be the place for you. They have both charm bracelets and necklaces available.

Tomorrow, I’ll give you the rundown on the cutest apparel stores.

The Cream of the Crop and Bottom of the Barrel Pt 2: 10 Star Films & 0 Star Films

[Editor’s Note: This is the 2nd of a 2-part article. You can check out Part 1 here.]

By Heather Nichols, Tawfik Zone Contributor

More 10 Star Films, The Cream…

Jaws (1975, Spielberg)

It’s easy to forget now but Steven Spielberg has made some of the best, if not some of the most entertaining films of all time. Had it gone as originally planned, Jaws would have been cheesy. But using the camera and score to personify the shark, pure genius. Here are just three of the many highlights for me; starting with the opening of course. I remember seeing it when I was in the third grade and never before had I been so terrified of the water. The use of the zolly shot. That scene where Roy Scheider is on the beach and sees the shark come out of the water for the first time. And on a different level the inclusion of the Indianapolis, a scene entirely ad-libbed by Robert Shaw.

Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back (1980, Kershner)

If you have to pick one Star Wars that is the best, this is the one. Though personally I find Return of the Jedi a little more enjoyable probably due in part to it was the first one I’ve seen, there is no denying this film is a masterpiece. One of the best pieces of science fiction ever produced with great set design, costuming and make up. Not only does it tell an engaging story, but it builds a world you can become fully engrossed in, where at its heart the protagonists are human and believable, one of the key elements to sci-fi.

Courtesy of decider.com

Courtesy of decider.com

Tootsie (1982, Pollack)

Picture Dustin Hoffman when he was an attractive young man and then picture him in drag. It doesn’t sound like the formula for an outstanding film and yet it’s another one of those films that just works perfectly. And it shows a young Jessica Lange before she was antagonizing everyone on American Horror Story. Not as much the everyman story as others on the list, an actor with a bad reputation unable to get work disguises himself as a woman to get a steady job acting in a soap opera. The script is clever and it brings a whole new perspective to the idea of method acting.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988, Zemeckis)

I really wish there were more films that could mix live action and cel animation so seamlessly like this one. If you read my previous article about Bob Hoskins you’ll know he is probably the main reason I love this film. His acting is so good that you think he’s actually in the room with Roger Rabbit. A fun fact, this is Jim Cummings’ first voice acing role. If you don’t know who that is, you need to go on IMDb because odds are you actually do.

Schindler’s List (1993, Spielberg)

After Steven Spielberg was tinkering with mechanical sharks and before Liam Neeson’s family kept getting taken, there was this film. Now I love Jaws more than this film just because I can watch it over and over again whereas this deals with much heavier subject matter that relates to actual history. The visuals: that this film was made in black and white as an artistic choice (something I love having to explain to people), makes this great set up for the little girl in the red coat. While I cannot comment on the historical accuracy of Schindler himself, I can tell you the film is sad, heart wrenching and a masterpiece.

Courtesy of www.sky.com

Courtesy of www.sky.com

Toy Story (1995-2010, Lasseter and various)

This series is Pixar’s single greatest achievement. Not to speak ill of their other works, this is just the best and since the original was their first film ever, it serves as a template for everything that has come since. The animation holds up well even by today’s standards. I would also be as bold to argue that each of the three films are on par with each other in terms of theme. I know some would say the second is the weakest but to that I say, the scene with Jessie’s back story and the Sarah McLachlan song, it made Tom Hanks and Tim Allen cry and if it didn’t make you feel something, I’m sorry. You clearly cannot be immersed in film on a deeper level.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996, Trousdale and Wise)

I have to put it out on the table that I love Disney films but I full well know while many are considered to be masterpieces, most just get a 9 or 9.5 by my rating system. Yes they are generally geared towards children so some issues become overly simplified and in the instance of Beauty and the Beast I’m on board with the whole Stockholm syndrome theory- though I’ve also read La Belle et la Bête, which presents Belle as shallow and the Beast much more sympathetically so maybe I’m just being picky… So here’s the thing, Hunchback isn’t really a children’s movie. Before you argue otherwise, just listen to “Hellfire,” a song that basically says if that woman doesn’t sleep with me I’m going to burn Paris to the ground. The art is gorgeous, the songs are perfect for the film- I don’t know who at Disney thought it would be a good idea to try and market a Victor Hugo novel as a children’s film, but it ended up being a masterpiece.

Princess Mononoke (1997, Miyazaki)

Right up front all of Miyazaki’s films are wonderful, but looking at them critically I can only give two of them perfect scores. This being the first. Interesting fact, it’s actually the first time Miyazaki-san used CGI animation, he combined it with cel animation techniques and the results are amazing.

Courtesy of drafthouse.com

Courtesy of drafthouse.com

Run Lola Run (1998, Tykwer)

This one is hard for me to explain why it’s perfect; I don’t know if “it’s just so darn good,” qualifies. I saw this film my first year in film school and it just stuck with me. Its overall sense of style and the use of the medium are unique and I highly recommend it. Even if you’re “not a subtitle” person, which is really unfortunate, the story is mainly told through its visuals so I think it’s accessible to a wider audience.

Spirited Away (2001, Miyazaki)

I am fully aware I am totally biased in this choice. If you want to know my favorite film of all time and all genres, this is it. One of my favorite English teachers taught me there are basically two different types of stories told; a hero goes on a journey and a stranger comes to town… this combines both. Do yourself a favor and watch this film; it’s visually beautiful, the soundtrack is gorgeous, the characters outstanding, and the world of the story is breathtaking. If I could I would give this 11 stars out of 10.

Persepolis (2007, Paronnaud and Satrapi)

One of the more beautiful aspects of film is that it is able to show us people and places that we would otherwise be unaware of. Besides what the media reports on, I had very little knowledge of the countries that were in the Middle East. It’s just not something they covered in any of the history courses I have been in. Through the eyes of our quirky protagonist we follow Marjane’s life in Iran at the start of the Islamic revolution. It also shows us that even though we may dress differently and speak other languages, we’re all human beings with similar wants and needs. One of my favorite scenes shows her relationship with God, one of the more lighthearted moments of the film.

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And now for the bottom of the barrel, actually wait these are so below the barrel they’re cast off to the side, they’re like the filth and barnacles growing along the side. And to not even get a star means that there was clearly no heart, no soul behind the camera. Some of these are horrendous because they’re unwatchable, some are bad because they were made for a quick buck, others because they’re highly offensive and others completely lack a cohesive storyline or plot; they’re offensive to anyone who enjoys film. Have fun…

 

The Terror of Tiny Town (1938, Newfield)

An evil gunslinging midget comes to terrorize the good little people of Tiny Town. The townspeople organize to defeat him, and zany antics ensue. Guys, this is a western musical starring all little people with editing so bad, it makes Xanadu look like gold.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959, Wood)

Aliens resurrect dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop humanity from creating the Solaranite (a sort of sun-driven bomb).

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962, Green)

A doctor experimenting with transplant techniques keeps his girlfriend’s head alive when she is decapitated in a car crash, then goes hunting for a new body.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies (1964, Steckler)

Jerry falls in love with a stripper he meets at a carnival. Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. The gypsy turns him into a zombie and he goes on a killing spree.

Monster A-Go Go (1965, Rebane and Lewis)

A space capsule crash-lands, and the astronaut aboard disappears. Is there a connection between the missing man and the monster roaming the area?

Courtesy of www.musicboxtheatre.com

Courtesy of www.musicboxtheatre.com

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966, Warren)

A family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978, Schultz)

Small town band hits it big, but they must battle a nefarious plot in the music industry. Starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees, it still managed to go off the rails and go oh so horribly wrong.

Godzilla (1998, Emmerich)

An enormous, radioactively mutated lizard runs rampant in Manhattan. Now there are some bad Godzilla films… I’d rather marathon them all back to back then watch this film or even acknowledge its existence. Don’t fuck up my kaiju origin story, not cool Matthew Broderick.

Psycho (1998, Van Sant)

A young female embezzler arrives at the Bates Motel which has terrible secrets of its own. Shot for shot remake, with terrible acting; now in color and featuring Vince Vaughn in a dress…

Catwoman (2004, Pitof)

A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.

The Grudge 3 (2009, Wilkins)

A young Japanese woman, who holds the key to stopping the evil spirit of Kayako, travels to the haunted Chicago apartment from the sequel, to stop the curse of Kayako once and for all.

Courtesy of www.denofgeek.com

Courtesy of www.denofgeek.com

The Last Airbender (2010, Shyamalan)

It follows the adventures of Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, who must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom. So this time instead of making his own mess, Shyamalan decided to take a dump on a beloved children’s cartoon.

Arthur (2011, Winer)

A drunken playboy stands to lose a wealthy inheritance when he falls for a woman his family doesn’t like. Totally lacking the charm of the original Dudley Moore version. Go home Russell Brand, you’re drunk… and it’s not working!

Jack and Jill (2011, Dugan)

Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave. Starring Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler, and poor Al Pacino, killing his career with this one.

That’s My Boy (2012, Anders)

While in his teens, Donny (Adam Sandler) fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent up until Todd’s 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd’s world comes crashing down when Donny resurfaces just before Todd’s wedding.

Movie 43 (2013, This piece of trash has 13 directors…)

A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood. Made to be funny, but it’s ultimately offensive and unwatchable. Using the names of its stars to draw an audience, this cash cow doesn’t even deserve to be on Netflix, which it totally is.